Knew this blog will be useful somehow. (: This will be my temporary private blog till I create another one soon, i hope.

I dont know where else to go to, where else to vent my anger on, where else to cry at/in front of and who to talk to about everything thats in my heart! Yes, I am finally alone. I PITY myself, feeing so PATHETIC! Why the hell was I born to this world in the first place? I dont want to be born to go through all this! 'That's life! Everyone will have to go through many difficult periods in their life', people may say, but NO! I dont want THIS kind of life I am having now!

Cried & Prayed everyday, everynight before i went to bed, hoping that when I woke up the next morning, everything will be fine and good, back to how it used to be! and i prayed: 'PLEASE, if this is a bad dream, please let me wake up from it!'

I dont know how much longer I can stay strong for all these trouble, misunderstanding, hatred & stuff. I HATE ALL THESE THAT IS HAPPENING NOW! WHY THE FUCK MUST IT HAPPEN THIS YEAR, THE MOST IMPORTANT YEAR OF MY LIFE?! IT'S O LEVEL FOR PETE'S SAKE! I doube I'll be able to do well for my O's this year. I think I'll screw it up instead! )':

At the start of this year, i thought in the year 2007, everything will be fine, will be better than all the previous years in my Secondary School life. Though I'll not be in the same school as Xuan anymore, wont be able to see him everyday in school anymore but still, will be a better year. But HELLO NO! I was WRONG at all! Totally wrong!

For the first few months of the year, everything was still fine. Sweet Memories I should say. The class came together, unite as one thanks to the classplay. Spent days together doing props, rehearsal, gossiping and all. Stayed back almost everyday after school till dinner time and that 'GHOST' incident I'll never ever forget! We had class dinner and it was fun and memorable! (: However, ever since the day that incident happen between me and Jim, everything has changed. well, to me. Ever since then, I have this fear in me. Nobody knows as i didnt tell anyone. i dont see a need in telling anyone about this fear i have. A fear whereby nobody will understand and know how it feels like unless they experience it like what I've experienced before. Even if i tell anyone, they'll only say: 'dont worry, nothing is going to happen' or 'dont dwell too much about it' Man, how i wish i dont dwell too much about it too but how the hell not to? Ever since that incident, I cant be myself anymore, in class practically. I can't speak my mind freely, have to think and look around me before I want to say anything in case any time bomb explode! Explosive everywhere. 1 explosive is enough for me, i dont wan a second time! Time will heal - thats what everyone believed. & Yes, I tried believing it. As days goes by, i try to forget my fear, tried being myself ike how i used to and try not to dwell too much. & i thought, after few months, I'll be able to be myself again. But time prove me wrong! HA. Time doesnt heal at all. The fear is still there and i cant be myself! & because of it, I became moody for weeks.

Not that I dont want to tell anyone about it. I prefer to keep everything to myself as it is my matter. I dont want anyone to be drag into or trouble anyone. That's my character, I cant change it. I am born to be like this, with this character. I am not the person where I'll go around blabbering and expressing how I feel, what I am thinking and all. No, thats not me. I know I am not good at words and not good at expressing myself and so the best way is to keep everything to myself in case of any misunderstandings and all. But who knows, when things have worsten & when i decided to clear those misunderstanding, they thought I'm just bull-shitting, making up a stories and all. Fine, hate me for all you want!

& regarding the Prom, welll I'm glad you all are able to make it in the end. & Hey, for pete's sake! I DID NOT gloat at all alright! I'm not like you guys, gloating people's misfortune! HA! Blame me for all you want too, as long as I know its so not my fault at all! Yes, its not Elin's fault too but still, i dont have th slightest idea why the fuck you all are blaming me?! Yes, I told Elin that you all feels weird sitting with her class but thats the truth right? & I told her that you all may want to sit with our class as some of them decided to go already. And i did told her that i dont feel like sitting with our class people just that i never tell her my reason why. I didnt tell you all that i dont feel like sitting with our class as i dont want to dampen your mood! I thought by telling her all this first in case they want to hand in the paper already, but who knows she misunderstood everything that I've said? I was shock too when she say that she took our names out, I DID NOT GLOAT damn it!

I dont see any point explaining whatever I've said here to them. They wont & they dont understand at all! They will just think that it is just another bull shit, make up stories and all! well, USE YOUR BRAINS thats all I can say. Who makes up story in how they feel and everything that is in their heart? Sometimes I have this urge to tell JiaYi everything as she may somehow understand how I feel now as she's been through what I'm going through now, but having second thought. I guess she hates me now too. Maybe for the Prom? I dont know. Should I go to Show's Concert with them? At first i thought only JiaYi will be going, but NO some of them are going too! Doubt they want me to go with them, THEY HATE ME FOR PETE'S SAKE! Should I or not?

Anyway, i want to thank Jas for all this while, being there for me, listening to all my craps, my sobbings and looking at me with my tears rolling down my cheek! though she may not see this but still, JAS THANKS SO MUCH! xD hope i've not cause any trouble/misunderstanding between you and them (:

Friday, September 14, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(:

as usual, will be a short update. (:

last friday night, was at orchard with my FISHES(:
shopped, took neoprints.
back home only at abt 12am.
photos will be load up to my blog SOON!

& on sunday, went NTUC with my parents to buy the ingredients i needed.
then went to xuan's hse in the afternoon after my lunch.
tried out my chocolate mousse.
quite successful but the quantity wasnt right.
have to try again. ):
camwhore at night. LOL









yesterday after sch, went to town with some of my girlfriends for some shopping.
but i didnt buy anything except clips and rubber bands.
dont intend to buy any clothings as im going shopping with my cousin this sat.
so i'll buy everything that i wanted on that day itself. (:

today after sch, accompanied FISHES(: to stay back for AP
went to find mr soh to find him some chemistry qns too.
head down to bugis with waimun & kit after we're done.
waimun looking for a bag. therefore accompany her.
dont intend to spent money but in the end, i still bought a necklace from Diva.
all thanks to kit! LOL
Diva having some sales there. some was so SUPER CHEAP! back home at abt 9.45pm

my parents will be flying to china tmr.
& they'll only be back 11 days later!
so that means, for the whole of next week, i can do whatever i want! HAHA
out wherever i want to go, come back as late as i want!
MOST IMPT. SKIP SCH! HAHA =x
but the bad thing abt them going away for holidays is, i have to go to sch BY BUS!
oh man! i hate taking bus to sch in the morning!
i bet i'll be late for the whole of next week if im going to sch thats is.
thinking if i should give the sch a miss next monday. hmm?!


SAN

Friday, April 27, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(:

okie, im back. LOL
super busy for the past fews days.
a brief updates only. =x

from monday to wednesday [ 2nd april - 4th april ]
styed back after sch to do the classplay props and rehearsing.
stayed back till 7pm plus.
and something scary happen while we're abt to leave on 3rd april. =x
shant say out! =x

and on thursday [ 5th april ]
didnt study for the whole day!
was doing props and rehearsing in the hall.
and finally, its time for the actual play!
ITS SUPER SUCCESSFUL! xD
at night, went out for class dinner. our first ever class outing! LOL
took lots and lots of photos!
MORE INFO AND PICS, GO TO MY BLOG(STAY TUNE)! HAHA

XUAN, POSTED!
LOL SHORT POST LA!
IM SUPER LAZY NOW! LOL


SAN

Friday, April 06, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(:

31 march : amksian family day

wake up around 6.15 den get change go amk station wait for san dad to fetch us go school
den reach school saw alot of sec 1's ...
saw some of my 3 months no c frens
board the bus to sentosa ...
reach sentosa they found trees to put our bags
kit even brought a mat but in the end is our bag is sitting on it
when up and down the beach finally my all time favourite best frens (xiang and fu )
really long time no c ...
hmmm same thing saw alot of fren tt i've no seen long time
sign up for the vball competition and played for zy team ( get to semi-final ) lousy ! haha
after the amk family day stay back till around 5 plus i think ... had a great fun with my bro's
all tio sunburn haha ... ( pei and xiang is the most jialat i think ) :)
went to bath soon after bathing rain started to pour budden is for a short while
the girls seperated during bathing time lol
we go harbour front den leaving mi and fu waiting for san jas kit nor and line ...
went to the vivo had our dinner at superdog
the funny thing is when we are eating at superdog , jas saw her mum and bro
den she lyk huh ! run for her life and forgetting to take her hp with her...!
den san came to my hse coz LIVERPOOL VS ARSENAL !!!!!!! SCORE 4:1 SHIOK !!!
san took cab home ....

1 april

slp till 1 plus
wake up start studying for catering science exam on monday
got loads for thing to study
sianx ... gan che0ng lehh !

2 april

zi jie jio us to go mac at bb mac revise
heng ar ... things tt we revise on the spot some came out for the exam phew !!!
exam start at 10 - 11.30
budden i do do do 11 jiu zao liao ... lol
den ar !!! wei jie tt fucker let us wait till 11.30
went to westmall for lunch den play little bit of arcade :x
home sweet home but still nid to study for p0c !

3 april

same thing go bb mac revise
exam start same time
wei jie still let us wait till same time
go westmall eat play arcade
go home study for foods
TONIGHT CHAMPIONS LEAGUE LIVERPOOL VS PSV EINDHOVEN SCORE 3:0 Yeah !!
i study till 1 plus den no strength to watch the match .... haha

4 april

today exam question was damn easy la ...
bloody fat sir confiscated my ID cause MY HAIR IS LONG !!!
monday still have to report to school at 8 FUCK !!!
around 5 when to ttsh visit my grandma
tt all ba ? hmmm forgot le ... ok post till here !
post soon ... SAN POST LA !!!!!


XUAN

Wednesday, April 04, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(:

alright, im finally here to blog!
xuan was forcing me! HAHA =X
i'll just blog a brief one. want to know more? go to my blog then
BUT that will be weeks or even months later! =X

so for the past 2 days(wednesday & thursday), had been staying back in sch & going home late.
stayed back to help mrs yeo & ms rose for the F&N sec2 streaming thing.
together with the FISHES(: & wenjia.
did all the printing, cutting & pasting stuff at com lab 2 and in the technical room.
our lunch for the past two days was mrs yeo's treat! THANKS SOMUCH! (:
back home at 8pm plus & 7pm plus respectively

today, had chinese oral after sch.
started at 1.30pm & i ended at 2pm plus as im the 3rd one.
super nervous! im sweating like hell! LOL keep wiping my sweat.
and as for the conversation part.. -shakeshead!- HAHA
just blurted eveything out that was on my mind.
and i think i talk abit too fast. this shows that im super nervous!
this only happen in the conversation part.
dont give a damn now. LOL doesnt affect my O LEVEL results anyway. HA!

waited for kit, elin & the rest.
waited till 3pm plus when wenjia called.
went to help her & ms rose to wrap those F&N stuff again.
at abt 4pm plus, went to meet elin & the rest at J8's LJS
had late lunch & went to walk ard. home at abt 7pm.

going to xuan's hse tmr! he's cooking again! (:
and on sunday, i'll most probably staying at home in the afternoon
& out with my cousin in the evening. to amk hub only. LOL
going to CHECK to buy slippers!

update next time! and i'll update my blog too. =x


SAN

Friday, March 23, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(:

erm wad can i say about today ....
hmmm nervous day ...
had presenatation abt food subject mushroom
and i had to memorize the slides i'm presenting
so it was fucking nervous and my hands are cold lyk dead person :)
and today practical i did was 2 salads ... pasta and potato
was lyk fucking easy and the most easy to score the comment GOOD !!! haha
oh ... i'm looking forward to amk family day ...
miss u guys !!! haha
and and and .........
I DO NOT HAVE ANY HOLIDAYS AT SHATEC !!!!
how amusing ... and i feel jumping down the building ...
june got time jio mi out and i pon school ... haha :x
tt all for today ba ... post daily :)


XUAN

Wednesday, March 21, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(:

ok here i'm back posting ...
firstly i wann to start the ball rolling yesterday
alright erm days at Shatec has been great
after school i meet up with dear
i told her tt i will be cooking sumthing nice for her and my family
went to prime supermaket to get my ingredient ready
which consisted of tomatoes,onions,and chicken stock cube
once home ... mess the kitchen which i'm good at it ....
i think i getting better and better !! the dish i was cooking was chicken stew
after simmering till 45 mins .. time for serving haha ... the look at my sis and father face was as if starving for 2 days or so ...
after they tasted ... the overall upon 10 i got around 8
budden i gave myself a 6 ...
dun ask mi y
alright tt all for yesterday .........

20 march
everything went well at school
except for the presentation the class had ..
it was horrible
tmr is our turn as the 1st 6 group had presented
sianx ... rush to wei jie hse to do power point (ppt)
i just back home :)

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANGELINE :)
i almost forgot hee :x
tt all for today


XUAN

Tuesday, March 20, 2007
US ; &TOGETHERFOREVER(: